Searching for my Soul’s Name

Surrounded by the splendor of the full moon, I stared at the reflection of the woman who was standing in front of a mirror and asked her. “Does my soul have a name?” With a curious smile, she said, “I’m not that deep, why don’t you ask your inner self?”

A few days went by, and I forgot about my soul’s name. The circumstances and responsibilities of my busy days transformed me into a robot and instead of listening to my inner voice, I reacted to what my ego kept telling me to think, to feel, and to do.

When I noticed that the moon was quietly rotating somewhere in the universe away from Earth, and the glowing stars were shooting kisses to our planet, I asked my inner self for my soul’s name. “Seek for it in Puerto Rico,” I heard through the fresh wind of autumn.

A couple of months later, I went on a quest to The Island of Enchantment. When the airplane landed, I cherished the grateful applauses of joyful passengers for our arrival. After getting a rental car, I left with my daughter to Aguadilla in the Northwest.

The full moon of that stormy night was majestically illuminating the ocean that placidly borders the northwest coast of the island. When I arrived in Aguadilla, and I saw my loving mother happily welcoming us, a shower of memories about my childhood overwhelmed me. “Let the little girl in you express her spontaneity,” I heard, as my strange dreams possessed me that night.

In my dreams, my father, who died two decades ago, was whispering my soul’s name in my ear the moment I opened my eyes. In that instant, I felt a translucent feather touching my spirit. Through the shadows of that night, I heard the echo of the wind hovering far away in a still silence. I tried to remember the dream with my dad, but instead, I fell asleep again, allowing the magnificent feather to tenderly stroke my heart.

The next morning, I went to my hometown beach, Crash Boat. The rhythm of the ocean waves metamorphosed into off-white bubbles like musical notes on the shore. As I dived into the crystal and refreshing water letting my body float in the deep ocean, I was urged to let go of any fear that was firmly holding my resistance.

I returned to those days when magic would anchor me in a world of wonder, and the girl within dared me to soar high. As the years became decades, the little girl sadly stared at the woman who had become afraid to fly. Hoping she would know my soul’s name, she suggested I could find it in the most magical place on the island.

At the highest peak of El Yunque, throughout the mystical fog of the forest, I heard the chants of our indigenous ancestors, the Taínos, commanding me to entwine my spirit with the quietness of the woodland. Contemplating how the never-ending horizon of the magnificent mountain was transforming the bright shadows into crystal raindrops, I felt one with the magical dust that was spraying the land.

Laying down in the dwarf forest where stunted trees become gnomes, I was covered with a fuzzy blanket while my soul held me tight between the clouds of the rain forest. “When will my soul’s name be revealed?” I asked the little trees that seemed to be dancing, rhythmically moving their skinny and long branches. “When you can let go of the search, you will become the answer,” I heard from the gnomes, the chants, and the spirits that live in the most sacred places in Puerto Rico.

Kayaking with my daughter through a dark mangrove canal on a moonless night, I observed how the glowing sky was shining with the same intensity as the luminescent bay of Laguna Beach in Fajardo. While abundant falling stars were descending like joyful little birds, I felt so powerful at the explicit belief that I am so much more than a human being.

At my sister’s church, I felt the Omnipresence of God flowing throughout those walls while everybody sang joyful hymns with so much devotion, giving thanks for the love that touched so many of us. A silent tear rolled down my cheeks, dissolving into the sob that was oppressing my broken heart into a blissful instant. Spontaneous moments supported by the love of my family revealed me that true happiness is found within.

After journeying to the island searching for a magical answer that could show me how to love myself, one glorious morning the giggles of the little girl within woke me up.  She tenderly whispered that the name of my soul is like the notes of a song synchronizing its vibrations. Just like music is motion in time, my mind carries on its melodic movement through eternity, becoming the mystery of its name a peaceful and infinite silence.